Wal-Mart Adventures

So last Saturday I had to make a last minute trip to Wal-Mart on our way out of town. I was in a bit of a hurry and speed walking through the store. Of course there were only two lanes open and I get stuck behind a woman placing her 42 items on the counter at Oh lets say the speed of a 100 year old dying snail. As I am standing there tapping my foot I hear this over the intercom.

"Attention, there are reports of a suspected shoplifter last seen on isle something or other. He is wearing blue jeans a dark hooded sweatshirt and a white hat."

I snickered a little to myself then went back to my all consuming foot tapping. When I saw the check out counter next to me open up I grabbed my 4 items and rushed over there. Sure enough the checker is super cheerful and wants to chat. In my attempt to get out of there as quick as possible I dropped some change. I told her to just keep it, wished her a nice day and proceeded to power walk my way out of the store. So the next thing to happen set me off. It went a little something like this.....

Door security guy: Excuse me mam. Can I see your receipt?

Me: Um.... sure.

Security guy: (grabbing my bag ) Hmm can you open your purse for me as well?

Me: I'm sorry what?

Security guy: Well you seem to be in a hurry to get out of here and you looked suspicious in line.

Me: Really? How about now? Do I look pissed? Because I'm pissed. (yes I actually said that out loud... my mother was so proud)

Security guy: Well, I'm sure you heard the announcement about the shoplifter.

Me: You mean the GUY? Do I look like a guy to you? Am I wearing a hat? NO. Do I have on a dark sweatshirt? NO! Now if you don't mind I would like to get out of here now!

I'm sorry since when is being in a hurry suspicious? Just because I don't feel like taking a leisurely stroll through Wal-mart I am a suspect! I'm sorry that I have better things to do. Meanwhile I am sure the ACTUAL shoplifter strolled right past him while he was busy going through my purse.

Way to go Wal-Mart Security Guy! I hope you get demoted to Creepy Door Greeter Guy... you can't really screw that one up you tard.