How did blood get on the ceiling?

Yesterday was one of those pull your hair out need a Valium IV sort of days. When my husband called me and asked me if he could go fishing after work I was less than excited about the idea. I had been looking forward to punching out when he got home and taking a relaxing bath. Then I realized that considering my mood it was probably best that he wasn't here. So off he went with horse/dog in tow... at least I had one less child under foot! The rest of my evening went surprisingly well! Kai went to bed without any problems and I finally got to relax. Everything was great until..........

Brandon finally came home at around 11:30 with 5 huge catfish. He was grinning from ear to ear like a little kid. It was cute. After he told me about his exciting adventure he started trying to cut the heads off of his still squirming catch. That was my cue to go far far away. (nothing grosses me out more than the sound of a butcher knife repeatedly whacking at a fish) I got all cozy in bed and decided to watch a movie. I don't know what I would do without surfthechannel.com. That's right, I have no problem watching illegal movies online. Have you seen rental fees lately? By the way He's Just Not That In To You was great!

My first mistake was in coming out to check on his progress. There was blood everywhere! On the floor, counter, walls, everything. I decided to just crawl back into my comfy little cocoon and hope for the best. Around 2am I could hear Brandon shuffling around in the cleaning closet and the smell of Pinesol. I made my second mistake in assuming that meant the kitchen would be clean.

At around three all was silent. My movie was over and I decided to make another sweep of the house. Brandon was passed out on the couch, my house smelled like fish, and the kitchen looked like a crime scene. The floor was spotless. I'll give him that, but the counters, walls, appliances, cupboards, and well everything on the counters.... Lets just say it looked like a fish blood paintball exploded. I just shook my head, made a mental to-do list for the following day and went to bed.

When Brandon got up for work he came in to give me a kiss and tell me that he had cleaned the kitchen. Me not being a morning person and generally lacking the brain to mouth filter made some less than friendly remarks about his cleaning skills. I was a little harsh but in my defense he knows better. You don't pet a hungry lion and you don't try to talk to me first thing in the morning. Especially when you have left me a mess that would make the cast of CSI say "GROSS!" He looked like I just kicked his dog. I instantly felt bad and tried to make up for it by saying, "It's ok. Thank you for trying. It was really late and it's a start. I'll just take care if it later." I doubt it helped.

So I finally stumble out of bed and into the kitchen for some much needed coffee. The kitchen still smells like fish and wow..... there is blood everywhere! I shake my head and stumble to the fridge for the creamer. Coffeemate Vanilla Caramel, can't live without it! I don't know what possessed me to look up but I did. I'm pretty sure what happened next woke up the neighbors. In an almost involintary moment I screamed, "HOW THE F***K DID YOU GET BLOOD ON THE CEILING!" Not my finest moment I have to say.

So here I am trying to muster up to energy to don the rubber gloves and clean the kitchen from TOP to BOTTOM.


Still waiting for that Valium IV....

Cereal anyone?


Ohhh it gets better


Did I mention I don't even like catfish?


EWWWWWWW.


This is above the Kitchen sink. On the OPPOSITE side of the kitchen from where he was cutting them!


And finally yes... that is the ceiling. Nice huh?