Whitefish, my home away from home is at the north end of this beautiful valley as well as my beautiful mother! Don't ask me where I came across such a jewel as the Flathead Beacon's Police blotter. Lord only knows! But what I do know is that the writer is hilarious. I have spent many an hour laughing my ass off.
I have enjoyed these so much I thought I would share a few of them with you...
12:34 p.m. A 50-year-old stumbled into a Somers convenience store and appeared to be suffering some sort of medical issue. It was soon discovered that he was in fact extremely intoxicated.
(wow... )
2:13 p.m. A man was seen standing on a bridge in Columbia Falls with his britches down. Authorities responded and encouraged him to pull them back up.
9:58 p.m. Someone found it suspicious that an individual was looking at RVs in the lot of a local RV dealership.
10:30 p.m. An anonymous caller claims that a chimpanzee beat him up and injured his dog at a Lakeside grocery store. The reporting party adamantly refused to disclose his name, and no such monkey could be located.
5:23 p.m. An intoxicated man tipped over near a convenience store on Meridian Road.
(tipped over..... I love it!)
7:27 p.m. Someone in Coram noticed a pedestrian who looked suspiciously like a suspect in a recent rash of home break-ins. The concerned observer wanted to know if he could tase and handcuff the individual.
6:50 p.m. Two neighbors yelled at one another on Highway 2 East in Evergreen. Apparently, one of the individuals does not appreciate it when the other leaves the house in his boxer shorts. The scantily clad man responded to her criticism with loud profanity.
7:32 p.m. Two black labs, a blue heeler and a Chihuahua attacked an intoxicated individual on Shady Lane. The reporting party bravely fought them off with a garden hose.
12:37 p.m. Someone called to report an incident of animal abuse on McMannamy Draw. According to this individual, "Jehovah’s Witnesses" approached his home and did something to his dog with a remote control.
7:50 p.m. Someone on Larch Lane decided to toss garbage into his neighbor’s yard. The neighbor did not appreciate this behavior.
9:43 p.m. A small aircraft was temporarily misplaced but was later located at its intended destination in Libby.
(how do you misplace an aircraft....)
10:00 p.m. Drivers on South Cedar Road encountered an unexpected surprise when a woman decided to lie down in the middle of the road. Oddly enough, she had consumed large quantities of alcoholic beverages.
(yes, ODDLY ENOUGH....)
9:07 p.m. A barefooted baby was being carried by a woman on Big Sky Boulevard. The woman was wearing shorts.
I am so glad that the Beacon decided to publish these reports. I wish all towns did that. It makes for a good read that's for sure!
1 comment:
Holy Crap! That is funnier than all get out!
I just died laughing! Thanks. :)
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