The Unspoken Rule

In our house we seem to have this unspoken rule that states that anything missing is my fault. If Brandon can't find the whisk it is because I put it somewhere different (even though I always put it in the same place). This rule has applied to everything from batteries to the remote, even Brandon's socks. Apparently I am the only one who touches ANYTHING therefore if it is not where someone remembers seeing it I must have done something with it. I have learned to just search until I have found the item in question and shrug it off. But the latest offense was a bit too much and needed to be documented :) Sorry Honey...

Our camera has been missing for MONTHS. The last place I remember seeing it was in our hall closet on the shelf (we live in an older house that has one of those cool built-ins with tons of storage and drawers). Brandon insisted that that is the last place he saw it and that I must have done something with it. Granted I am not the most organized person but no matter how cluttered the house is I always seem to know where things are. It is just a gift I was born with. Organized chaos is what I like to call it. With Kai's Birthday quickly approaching (today in fact) I began the frantic search for the camera. I tore the whole house apart but no camera anywhere. I actually started to believe Brandon and thought that maybe I lost it somewhere. For a split moment I caved but only for a moment. I quickly snapped out of it and decided that there was a simple solution. I MUST find the camera and once I do we will know once and for all who was the one at fault. All I needed to do was find that freaking camera! I had to clear my name. With a new found determination I looked everywhere I could think of. I looked in the laundry room, the guest bedroom, even my craft box. Just about the time I was thinking of giving up I decided to look under our bed one more time. As I pulled Brandon's heli-pack out of the way I thought what the hell... I haven't looked there yet. And what do you know! There in the front pocket was the camera. With an evil grin I looked at the last pictures taken. First I was ecstatic to discover that the last pictures on the card were of Brandon and his sister and dad snowboarding in Seattle. Then I was horrified to think that our camera has been missing since Christmas! Clearly we need to listen to all the family complaining that we don't take enough pictures of Kai.

Although I am sure Brandon will try to find a way to pin this one on me (I must have put it in there when we were packing) I will proudly claim this victory and rub it in his face every chance I get.

It's All Your Fault Mom!

Now I'm not saying that I was a deprived child by any means. But I certainly wasn't spoiled, at least not the way my son is. I had a few VHS tapes (mostly ones my Grandma had made). Kai has a freaking Disney library! I don't remember having a lot of board games. And certainly not ones with tons of pieces. I had a TV in my room that was a yard sale find or a hand me down. I'm not complaining at all. I had everything I needed. My husband had the same kind of upbringing I did. Now that I have gotten the back story out of the way...

Brandon and I went shopping for Kai's birthday last night. We dropped Kai off with his grandma and headed to Walmart. Our first stop... electronics to pick up a 19in flat screen TV. Yep, a TV! Granted this was kind of a selfish purchase. The hand me down in his room doesn't work. And I can't watch Jungle Book EVERY DAY. Plus my mom bought him 9 dvd's to add to the library. Now a well adjusted parent would stop there. We OBVIOUSLY aren't well adjusted. So on to the toys! We head to the games section and my husband picks out Kerplunk... perfect game for a 4 year old. Not me... I see Mouse Trap (a game I couldn't have as a kid... too many parts). So I say "Ohhhh I always wanted that game." Apparently Brandon grew up with the same too many parts rule. So in the cart goes Mouse Trap. Then a Yo Gabba Gabba card game, and a Cars puzzle. Then Brandon sighs and says, "Now you know he will freak out if he doesn't get any cars." After a very stressful decision between a monster truck race track and a Cars track the Cars color change paint garage thing goes in the cart. But wait! It only comes with one car... well that won't do! So we grab one of every color change car there is... (what? He didn't have Sarge yet....)

Okay, we are finally done with toys but what about his party? Again a sane person gets a bag of plain paper plates and some silverware.... DONE. What do we do? Well he loves Cars so we have to do a Cars themed party DUH! Cars table cloth... check. Cars decorations and gift bags and stickers..... check. We did show a little self restraint when we resisted the Lightening McQueen pinata. Then of course he must have a cake. And since we have committed to a cars theme we have to get a Cars cake.

What makes this whole thing even worse is that we do this EVERY YEAR! Last year we got him a Power Wheels 4 wheeler... He couldn't even reach the gas pedal... For some reason our normally frugal lifestyle goes completely out the window when Kai's Birthday comes. We are living vicariously through a 4 year old. Buying him 9000 piece K'NEX kits, and power wheels, and games with tons of tiny little pieces. But I have to say we love every minute of it. He is our little munchkin and he deserves the best.

You did what? WHERE?

This morning I woke up to "Mommy I have poopy butt!". As I sat there trying to slowly adjust to this whole being awake thing everyone keeps talking about I realized just how much motherhood has changed my life.

Before motherhood I woke up when I felt like it.
Now I wake up to "MOMMY! It's Morning! I want cartoons!"

Before motherhood the scariest thing I had to worry about finding in the tub was a spider or hair
Now... "Mommy, I frew up in the baftub"

Before motherhood if there was a wet spot on the floor it was because I spilled something.
Now... "Kai, what did you spill on the floor in your room?".... "Nofing, I peed."

All of the sudden it dawned on me. The moment you become a mother your whole life revolves around bodily fluids. And just when you think you have it all figured out they find a way to change it up on you.

For example: Kai and I were getting ready for bed. I changed his diaper, put him in pajamas and picked out a book for the night. Just as I'm getting ready to sit in the rocking chair Kai tells me that I need to turn off the light and turn on the lamp. Okie dokie... no problem. The giggling should have been a red flag.... Before I knew what was happening I had a HUGE slimy booger on my hand and Kai was laughing so hard he was barely able to say, "I put a boogie on the light". He turns off the light now.....

Things that used to gross me out don't even phase me anymore. I don't know how I feel about that... Getting puked on SHOULD gross you out. Fishing a "brown trout" out of the bathtub.... SHOULD gross you out. Finding dried food you can't even identify under the cushions of the couch SHOULD gross you out... instead it is like a game "I'm going to go with.... Lucky charm?"..... "No, raisin?"

And last but not least.... I have learned that when Kai wakes me up to tell me he has poopy butt.... I'm going to have a shitty day.